Sunday, June 17, 2007
Monday, June 04, 2007
As silence fills my loneliness
Only for you my heart cries
The growing gnawing pain within myself
That tears every senses of my life.
Tears flow endlessly
Even my eyes swells in deep agony
But nothing had been left
That I burned even more with desire
Just to feel the warmness of your embrace.
I still have the memories when we first meet
Memories that I thought would just be the beginning
And would never end
But suddenly it was gone with the wind.
I always say I LOVE YOU
Deep inside my heart I do
Thinking that you feel the same way too
That even we’re miles away we can make it through
I felt my world shattered like a glass
One day when you told me that I was just a back up
And that you are still in search of your perfect match
For someone you can marry even when there’s no real LOVE.
I have been waiting for a chance
Hoping that one day you would realize and understand
I gave you everything that I have
Just to let you know that I love you so much
You have closed your door to me indeed
Even if I was just trying to talk , just being a FRIEND
Then I realized,Perhaps I was obsessed and was pushing myself to you…
And now, I need to say goodbye and Let go.
Sunday, January 28, 2007
Wife Akankhya opens the door and quickly picks up my Tiffin box and moves towards the kitchen. As I got inside my room after putting off the shoes, my daughter jumped from the bed and wanted a good hug because she had not seen me for 12 hours, which is obvious. A man who has the manager's seat in control needs a lot of effort to save the seat at least. For the first couple of minutes, I could control myself and give a kiss on the forehead but she wanted more of hugging. Now it was out of my hand and I tried to convince her that I wanted a refresher but situation got worst when she wanted me to do all my work by holding her on my lap. This was the worst thing I could imagine and I broke free myself and ordered her to go back to business. Immediately, I could see a changed face in her and she went back to her room. As I was in the process of finishing my evening refreshments, wife came and started reminding me about the bill payments to be made for the month followed by the details that I was supposed to get her about the house that her friend was searching for. As everything was a kind of question for me and I was not at all ready for replying her because I was too tired mentally and everything around me looked very much less interesting. I just looked at her face and continued doing my work with some grunting "hmm". But she was quite intelligent and left me to finish my daily refreshment.
After sometime she came with a cup of tea and was little disappointed with my approach to our girl and this she was trying to tell indirectly and she continued telling the so-called household stories. Since, she did not get any reply; she asked me whether I had a bad time at office which I denied. She continued this till I lost my patience and threw words to her "Told u na, thrs nothing serious. Why r u forcing the same thing over and over again". That was it for her and she went back to the kitchen and continued business. This was also very harsh from my end which I realized immediately but I could not prepare myself to face her straightway. I started checking my mail box but I could not concentrate because I had just disappointed two of my precious ornaments of life. I had to stop in the middle and tried to compensate for my mistake. As I moved to my daughter's room, I could see my sweet cute darling daughter sleeping in the middle of the bed with all her dolls scattered around. Her eyes were looking like resting themselves after a tearful session and the face had the innocence written all over. I could not control myself and immediately took her into lap and placed a kiss on her forehead. Then I took all my strength and approached the kitchen. As I was looking here and there, wife asked if I needed anything. I replied "No", but tried asking something about her day. She just replied one answer and that was "as usual, not much excitement". I could not continue because I was not able to forget that I had disappointed her heart few hours back.
As the night proceeded, and the dinner was ready, I could see my wife trying to wake up our daughter for dinner and she was bit harsh also. I immediately went to her and told her I am going to feed her even though she is sleeping. But with this, my daughter got up and started moving towards the dinning table. As we started taking our dinner, I could see a frightened innocent face in my daughter and she was also not ready to sit near me: forget about taking food from my hand. This was really the worst nightmare that had become a reality in my small world.
It's 12:00 am and I am yet to get my sleep because I am disturbed from all corners and the most disgusting of them all was my harsh words to my wife and daughter. I could not even stay on the bed so I moved towards the balcony and tried to forget the evening by looking at the waves of the sea. As the breeze was slow and I looked up to see galaxies which were starring at me to remind my evening blunder. The moon also looked quite disappointed and breeze constantly making me realize my blunder. With my mind disturbed, an ache in my heart I could not stop drops of tear as they could tell by themselves, how much did I mean and love my small and sweet world. But, what is this? Akankhya is standing close and holding the drop of tears and her face looks like flooded with questions. And all those queries seemed like starting and ending at the drop of tears. This just reminds me of the first days of our married life when we had promised not to lose a single drop of tear for the sake of our relationship; a promise that we had agreed upon to share each other’s situation and not let ourselves down by external factors.
Perhaps, the same was running in her mind at that time and before she could tell anything, I hugged her with the most difficult word of the century “Sorry”. But for us, that made our life smooth again. That night I could wish only one thing from lord and that was nothing but a heartily Thank for blessing me with a life partner who could understand the all in all of me and stand beside me rather looking me from the other side of the world.
That evening taught us a few things and although I hate to dream that type of evening but I will dare not forget what tips it could gift in few hours.
There are three worlds that I experience everyday: my sweet home, the world outside my home and the world that feeds me. However, I should never bring one world to the other. My aim is to run my sweet home by the help of the feeding world and the one in between is just a means to achieve that.
It is always important to give some time to sit and relax before presenting the situation of the world from which I was away for 12 hours. The responsibilities are important but relationship and life come first.
To end, we should always be kind to our child; no matter what happens we should not show the same in our face to the child who is just starting to learn the alphabets. We can convince her about everything but slowly and with proper care.
Once again, Thanks a lot to my lord for having blessed me with two Kohinoors and they are really my life !!!
Friday, January 26, 2007
full of blood, bone plastered in your map.
You, sometimes called crown of India.
But your misfortune, heard in the media.
No evening, your news, out of listen,
your rest hangs in two countries' question.
Won't your good days gift You a shake,
for how many days, your bad time take.
Committing what, your land suffers,
well, is it your previous birth's curse.
O' common man, you, heartless and crude,
are you deaf towards it's sorrowful mood.
For how many days, you'll tyrannize,
Kashmir's unfortunate and innocent eyes.
A life fears here like a boy near a snake.
Despite it's beauty hangs around the lake.
From the don of morning, to the deepest darkness,
death's fearing eyes cause silence.
God! You, the creator and destroyer,
is Kashmir's constant cry missing your ear?
Can You teach both country's common,
not to divide the beauty but to learn.
Today, Kashmir tires to hold the bodies,
shut down by guns of either countries.
Continuation of such may cause man,
setting of this innumerable Beauty's Sun.
I pray God, Kashmir's mother,
take It out of reach of the destroyer,
place It on the land of heaven,
and let Man quarrel in the ugly ocean.
Rising in the don, setting in the evening,
working like the routine of a worker.
Even the worker fumbles; You hardly to shine.
You, the only to reach every sand.
How lucky You're! Not we, human being.
God shaped You and us on this land.
But a great difference in distributing blessings.
You got duty to serve us, no second to leave.
For us, to serve Him by getting knowledge.
But misfortune makes us convince.
Whole world, impossible to see at one stage.
O' Sun, You play the role of a messenger,
coming in the morning, leaving in the evening.
You, get the news of friends and betrayers,
go back with how civilization is functioning.
You've witnessed great men in this sand.
Still no one gets knowledge like You.
Give the message to the Creator! Man has surrendered.
Whole world, impossible to see in a queue.
Send the message, I've proposed Him.
O' God, gift us Eyes like our Sun,
we want power like our Sun having,
then no knowledge for us, out of scene.
Without your role in Earth, I've something to say.
For those who shout politics, mine
Rest, not an instrument to shine.
From early don, to the deepest night
they play and are played by Politics like a kite.
Well Time! Make me know Politics: is it a game,
gifted by God to all men and women?
But the shape of Politics, completely changed,
no development, but as been ruined.
Atmosphere inside has been filled, with
Corruption, Murder, Mocking increase width.
Well, common man, can You define Politics?
I know, I know, to You, what it means.
Grab power, stay over common and do what You like.
Well, well, how long power'll shine?
The Sun must rise a day in life,
the thread must be cut and finish your playing of kite.
That laughing power must put off You,
like priests putting off shoes before temple.
After all, we the guest're unaware,
our soul'll escape at what hour.
Why should we aim at ruling others?
To me, to rule or be ruled, the worst curse.
O' God, my destinier, bless all of us,
wash evil from mind or let evil finish
then our Politics would get rest.
I never mock it and I keep it on Everest height.
It's not Politics creating disorder.
Fellows polluting it want power more.
Let the Sun rise a morning when,
all of us ruled by God; the Life be golden.
Wednesday, January 24, 2007
for the silly blunder of mine?
From the first, till, the only You're
I loved more than other.
All your support holds all my brilliance,
without You, there's no permanence.
Competition sharpens intellect, where
I, the incarnation; You the competitor.
Happened what to You, aware less.
To me, it's icing on the cake.
In fear of losing You, I proposed You,
the result, a real curse to pursue,
which was unknown, like the future.
Sense of anger, frustration was the mirror,
the beautiful heart and face.
You reasoned it, the difference in age,
a difference of nine, nothing I felt.
To You, You were a good friend of mine,
but the heart crowned You, the queen.
Any interaction with me, You totally rejected,
though the self accepted, but heart denied.
I promise, you be always my center of thought.
I want all to be cleared; it's the truth.
I loved You, I love You and I'll love You!
Well darling, never misunderstand me,
my stopping of ringing You ever since,
I never want sorrows shining on You, that's the reason.
If happy you're with this non-interaction,
I pray God: take me away from your thought,
I request not to do the reverse.
To end, I still say, You've misunderstood me.
To know, put me in You,
be convinced of my heart's cry.
Monday, January 22, 2007
Pleasure in my horrible Earth no more.
Call me either or remake my planet.
Pleasure fears shining as nothing is set.
Wherever my imagination stretches out
fails again and again to make out.
My same observation when I look,
to human beings rotation of Life mock.
As my eye witnessed many a Death,
sometimes my nearers also underneath.
Every closure of eyes warn my thoughts
always I care for them, me not.
In this second if something fears me,
the general drama: theft, rape or a murder scene.
And the most poisonous, betrayal of a Friend,
all wake before the Sun with east wind.
I know myself, well ahead of all these,
these can hardly touch or make my work cease.
Do You know, what fears me most?
The power of Death in my dearer's cost.
Great God! I, well aware of the truth,
Death would succeed from East to South.
Myself, in an age listening predecessor's Death,
stretching forward as I sense.
Death's growing power over Friends and Dear,
how pathetic to roll in tear.
To escape from this horrible scene,
let my Death, the first be seen.
O' my Master! Bless me the simplest Death,
sufferings before Death to dearers not shake.
Let the simplest Death falls over all,
myself be the first in my age to call.
Great God! Gift me no more Life.
Sunday, January 21, 2007
Hiddenly but openly says,
the true value and the sweet taste.
But we are out of guess.
Going through it's golden path,
the sweetness, we unable to catch.
We take those days, moments of bore,
we wish those, not to be more.
For elders, we're of no importance,
never do they give us chance.
Involving in some of their works,
they avoid us in some smiling laughs.
It's a second when many thoughts in mind,
we like to attain, job of any kind.
Even the job impossible to be performed,
not because we're less learned,
lack of age, that makes us warn;
we're declared, the unable man.
O' how sightless we remain in early second.
Responsibilities makes pleasure blacken.
In the early don, we want to be focused,
for elders, we're less serious.
The days of future, even sweeter,
but the taste, more bitter.
It's proof, clear and open for You and Me.
In early days, we're keen
to be elder, without thinking.
In a hurry, the best taste, we losing.
It's impossible like our earliest imagination.
So, it's wise to mention,
Childhood: though boredom, the whole sweetness,
in human life hangs around there but less
we get in advancing days.
without You I am a bird in the cage.
Why are You so fast in rolling on,
compared to Your bad brother who stays on.
Your twinkling delight, a flash of lightening,
less seconds to the heart for soothing.
O' how painful, the heart without You.
Unfortunately, Your days are of few.
Lord, my Lord! You, my great destinier;
the keys of my fortune, can You hand over?
My conscience, not at all a bad dreamer,
no seconds there to forget it's creator.
Need those keys to reward the Time,
when I was with my days fine.
Those days, when my Friend's face there
when wanted the feelings to share.
No seconds, the heart remained alone,
as continued interaction in the phone.
Well my Lord, I never want,
going far, the last five years act.
Those days, the best of my Life,
Friend's lovely face in front of the sight.
Suddenly, days passed away like
a dreamless night and arrived a sight.
I found everyone's face,
lost right to see Friend's face.
I realize the reason of my sorrows,
the sudden Turn of My Fortune carries
away from the world of gold
to the lonely and uncomfortable world,
which can never be denied
I am not the only to be frustrated!
in a fine morning of December.
What's the Sweetest Day of mine?
I went on thinking and searching.
Is it the day, full of Amusement,
or the day of Establishment?
Is it when I get Success in all fields,
or when I am near the High-seas?
Is it when the whole world, in my Control
or when I dig my Foe's hole?
Is it the day of Delicious Food and Fine Sleep,
or when I am inside the sea in a Sheep?
NO my dear friend, these are never,
I dream these days ever.
My golden days are when I am with you.
discussing all our feelings in a queue.
In this fine morning, with the Sun shining,
both of us keep on remembering.
Those days of our life when we were,
guided by self, not intelligent power.
Those days, when playing with the sand
and listening to the bird.
We kept on making Life, a machine of fun
sometimes with the cat or with the gun.
O' FRIEND, dear FRIEND, come back
sit on the vehicle of Time's track.
which for you're sent.
Not to bark but to walk
with all your intelligence and genius.
Here you face, educational sunset,
don't lose this oppertunity.
Here you learn to approach well,
don't blacken your future.
Here you face galaxies of friends and foes,
don't fumble to pick the best out.
Sent by parents with a dress and food,
to get the same by yourself.
Don't lose your way in fumbling the future.
Here is the Temple of Knowledge,
and you know the duty in a temple.
You are free to lead the way you like:
not in election, strike, merry-making and disturbing.
Knowledge, your true destination.
Go ahead to be one of the leadings in Study,
leave the rest on your destiny.
Saturday, January 20, 2007
Unable, as I am but very much optimistic.
Let’s take it at once, a real possibility.
If ever happens to me, will make future majestic.
Eyes had their greatest nights of their days,
witnessed the unbelievable scene last night.
Dreamed herself standing in front of the eyes,
afraid of an anger sight.
Strangely smiles rolled on, providing a relief.
Boldly asked “how was she” but nothing she replied
once more asked, “what did she need”.
Once again, ear’s had no words heard.
Silence everywhere, suddenly sounds of barking,
came near and soon, deadly silence.
Yet, no reply except the face, smiling.
More complicacy, looking at her face.
Acceptance of proposal in the smile.
Eyes saw her parents’ smiling scene;
none had an expression at any while.
Heart impatient, ears were keen.
Silence everywhere, suddenly darkness.
All vanished from sight and mine amazed
for a while but searched in darkness.
Reality as it was, attempts totally void.
Realized the truth, dream had concluded.
Light in the sky-light and a little sound of crowd.
Sound of call caused me wake soon.
It was of none but mum’s tune.
In this third world of mine, the evidence, ME.
Born with a Pain of Strange,
still continues in this young seconds of ME.
Though the first ten minutes caused me less,
the next five made me know it,
and recent five prepared to face.
Realizing in the teen, something of its kind.
Never knew where childhood touched and when.
The reason, quite clear; however enjoyed it.
Witnessed a permanent restriction,
though provided no impact.
The teens, not troubled in a great deal,
but the sound, always heard of Pain.
Here felt little difference from others;
never did they show the same.
Came the young sunshine, forcing a foot back
and the pain rolls like a second;
not the physical but the psychological.
As the fire continues to woe mine mind.
Hurts, finding a great difference from all.
Must be accepted as a process and I
go on, as hardly can it be avoided.
able, catching a scholarly sense.
Acceptable, if its for a genuine case;
or even for the first case.
But stands worst still, around the best
Error, general; not if its of known kind
then meant, a crime and must be left,
punishing air, till becomes aware.
Some do it as a good habit,
huting FRIENDS and elders.
Some arrive at young being guided by
parents, elders, scholarly friends and intelligence.
Never do they suffer from the fire.
Negative thoughts around youth,
poisonous young stage, it appears.
Even elderly advices fail at.
The only salvation, self realization.
Absence of this sense, Man becomes
accused, even dangerous than a Terrorist.
and not misunderstand me.
It is YOU who lighted the source of Encouragement,
and the source of Commitment.
YOU, still my first, still my last
and I want your friendship last.
Have I gone away far from your thought?
But you are not
This world is big and our days small.
Not it's all.
Wherever YOU go and search friendship,
surely can get my friendship.
Because in this gesture of human faces,
all want your FACE.
Here's the product of this humanly earth,
who wants your feeling to catch.
Till the last I wait for your turn.
Conscience knocks, I can.
Standing over all boundaries, it's powerful
which may make it successful.
For this, you need to be not so far.
Under my reach's air.
Friday, January 19, 2007
Self and our Intelligence
Where someone, to be defeated
Either Self or Intelligence
If it's Self then,
Life's goal, be fulfilled.
The defeat of Intelligence
brings no victory, the ultimate destruction of Self.
O' how difficult, the world to look into!
That, which looks golden
often builds the path of defeat.
So my FRIEND! Please go through
these words like a perfect proverb.
Never give a chance to Self
which fumbles you from Success,
on the other hand, take decisions by
waking your Intelligence which never
digs the hole of your grave.
I am the BREAD and BUTTER of your life. I am your morning, the DAY and the evening too; I am in your sleep, sometimes in your dream and not to forget, in your scream too. I am in your anger, frustration, dissatisfaction, and also revenge. But still, I am in your loyality, hope, courage, and also in your SUCCESS. You can call me to feed you the way you want. I can take you to the Height of Imagination to crown your EFFORT. But but but...
Never bring EMOTION close to me. I am not made for that. I make you hard, tough, courageous, intelligent and also MATURED but that kills my DREAM, shatters my PLAN and disturbs my FOCUS. I call for STRONG resistance, opportunity seeking, and a marketing approach. But EMOTION makes you weak, publicizes your feelings, brings the world to you and fools you in the HUMAN market.
When I meet EMOTION, it devastates your LIFE because I always overtake this friend of yours. I detach you from its follish feelings and also confuse you in your AIM because we are the two lines of the rectangle of your LIFE which never meet. But yet, you can not survive without me or EMOTION.
So, never never never bring EMOTION to my place.
Because I am your ... PROFFESSION ... and she is your EMOTION ...
AuroSysTechLife limited 2007. All Rights Reserved.
Thursday, January 18, 2007
with my stretched wings as I enjoyed
the sea, the wind, the cloud, and the blue sky.
With my sparkling feathers and opened heart
I danced and sang with my friends in a bang.
Catching fish, swimming in the sea, playing games
and feeding my nest with help of my friends were
the work of the day and the lesson of my life.
As I climbed and moved forward in LIFE,
I saw a vulcher on my way.
I called my friends but found none on the way.
I saw them calling me from different ends.
As I listened each of them, heart had a feeling of an unfriendly air.
Those contrasting views made me to think,
I am flying on an unknown sky and the vulcher is in my friend.
The push and pull, those scaring eyes and those unfriendly advice
just shocked me for a while.
A pause in LIFE where the WORLD looked PINK.
With my scattered feathers, wounded belief, and broken trust,
I continued my escape.
But my WING like before never left me alone and took me up with HOPE n' TRUST.
A fight of ESCAPE continued with a prayer "WINGS be thy savior"
and I flew up to cross the PINK sky.