24th March, 2007It's evening time and I am driving towards home with my so-called mood: somthing that puts me on the wrong foot every now and then. The evening traffic, the sound of the crowd and the annoying varieties of horn from vehicles just add more oil into the fire. Not to forget, the other factors like, the illegal overtaking, the turn of vehicles without prior notice, the indecisive road crossing of pedestrians, and the most spectacular of them all (only to be found in Indian roads) the never-say-compromise approach can't help either. I can't see most of the unfortunate accidents on the way because next moment someone might hit me from behind. With all these roads of tension I reached home somehow and waited outside the door after couple of bell rings.
Wife Akankhya opens the door and quickly picks up my Tiffin box and moves towards the kitchen. As I got inside my room after putting off the shoes, my daughter jumped from the bed and wanted a good hug because she had not seen me for 12 hours, which is obvious. A man who has the manager's seat in control needs a lot of effort to save the seat at least. For the first couple of minutes, I could control myself and give a kiss on the forehead but she wanted more of hugging. Now it was out of my hand and I tried to convince her that I wanted a refresher but situation got worst when she wanted me to do all my work by holding her on my lap. This was the worst thing I could imagine and I broke free myself and ordered her to go back to business. Immediately, I could see a changed face in her and she went back to her room. As I was in the process of finishing my evening refreshments, wife came and started reminding me about the bill payments to be made for the month followed by the details that I was supposed to get her about the house that her friend was searching for. As everything was a kind of question for me and I was not at all ready for replying her because I was too tired mentally and everything around me looked very much less interesting. I just looked at her face and continued doing my work with some grunting "hmm". But she was quite intelligent and left me to finish my daily refreshment.
After sometime she came with a cup of tea and was little disappointed with my approach to our girl and this she was trying to tell indirectly and she continued telling the so-called household stories. Since, she did not get any reply; she asked me whether I had a bad time at office which I denied. She continued this till I lost my patience and threw words to her "Told u na, thrs nothing serious. Why r u forcing the same thing over and over again". That was it for her and she went back to the kitchen and continued business. This was also very harsh from my end which I realized immediately but I could not prepare myself to face her straightway. I started checking my mail box but I could not concentrate because I had just disappointed two of my precious ornaments of life. I had to stop in the middle and tried to compensate for my mistake. As I moved to my daughter's room, I could see my sweet cute darling daughter sleeping in the middle of the bed with all her dolls scattered around. Her eyes were looking like resting themselves after a tearful session and the face had the innocence written all over. I could not control myself and immediately took her into lap and placed a kiss on her forehead. Then I took all my strength and approached the kitchen. As I was looking here and there, wife asked if I needed anything. I replied "No", but tried asking something about her day. She just replied one answer and that was "as usual, not much excitement". I could not continue because I was not able to forget that I had disappointed her heart few hours back.
As the night proceeded, and the dinner was ready, I could see my wife trying to wake up our daughter for dinner and she was bit harsh also. I immediately went to her and told her I am going to feed her even though she is sleeping. But with this, my daughter got up and started moving towards the dinning table. As we started taking our dinner, I could see a frightened innocent face in my daughter and she was also not ready to sit near me: forget about taking food from my hand. This was really the worst nightmare that had become a reality in my small world.
It's 12:00 am and I am yet to get my sleep because I am disturbed from all corners and the most disgusting of them all was my harsh words to my wife and daughter. I could not even stay on the bed so I moved towards the balcony and tried to forget the evening by looking at the waves of the sea. As the breeze was slow and I looked up to see galaxies which were starring at me to remind my evening blunder. The moon also looked quite disappointed and breeze constantly making me realize my blunder. With my mind disturbed, an ache in my heart I could not stop drops of tear as they could tell by themselves, how much did I mean and love my small and sweet world. But, what is this? Akankhya is standing close and holding the drop of tears and her face looks like flooded with questions. And all those queries seemed like starting and ending at the drop of tears. This just reminds me of the first days of our married life when we had promised not to lose a single drop of tear for the sake of our relationship; a promise that we had agreed upon to share each other’s situation and not let ourselves down by external factors.
Perhaps, the same was running in her mind at that time and before she could tell anything, I hugged her with the most difficult word of the century “Sorry”. But for us, that made our life smooth again. That night I could wish only one thing from lord and that was nothing but a heartily Thank for blessing me with a life partner who could understand the all in all of me and stand beside me rather looking me from the other side of the world.
That evening taught us a few things and although I hate to dream that type of evening but I will dare not forget what tips it could gift in few hours.
There are three worlds that I experience everyday: my sweet home, the world outside my home and the world that feeds me. However, I should never bring one world to the other. My aim is to run my sweet home by the help of the feeding world and the one in between is just a means to achieve that.
It is always important to give some time to sit and relax before presenting the situation of the world from which I was away for 12 hours. The responsibilities are important but relationship and life come first.
To end, we should always be kind to our child; no matter what happens we should not show the same in our face to the child who is just starting to learn the alphabets. We can convince her about everything but slowly and with proper care.
Once again, Thanks a lot to my lord for having blessed me with two Kohinoors and they are really my life !!!